The Mess I Made
by kuroshironimu
Summary: I'm staring at the mess I made, as you turn you take your heart and walk away. Songfic.


**Disclaimer: **not mine

Song by Parachute - The Mess I Made.

* * *

_Should've kissed you there_

_I should've held your face_

_I should've watched those eyes_

_Instead of run in place_

It's all ended, Arthur. It's ended. You sat there, crying under the rain with your former brother in front of you, watching you sobbing your heart out for your vulnerability. There you are, regret everything that happened between you and him, shouting why why _why_ it should turned out like this, when you both could have a peaceful life together, _forever._

But then, he wanted to be free. Just like other young people. He wanted freedom, and yet, after fulfilling all his wishes when you're still bond by that family relationship, you didn't grant it to him. You determined to keep him close, for the first time you won't give him something he wanted so badly.

And it broke out.

_I should've called you out_

_I should've said your name_

_I should've turned around_

_I should've looked again_

When he turned his back at you, when he left you-perhaps forever-all you can do was just staring at his back, and you can't do anything. You wanted to grab him and forced him to stay beside you forever, but you just can't. And you didn't allow to do that.

He's free, Arthur. You didn't have any rights upon him right now.

But yet, even if you still wanted him so badly, you didn't say a word.

You lied to yourself, and turned your back as well. As though it's nothing big. As though you could cope with that.

But you can't. And you knew it.

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_

As you remembered the past you spent with him, and your heart tore apart at every single pieces of memories. What did I do wrong, you asked. Why can't I keep him here, why can't I have him for a little longer, why can't I have my little Alfie back?

Why he left me?

But the questions are useless, Arthur. No matter how often you said it, how hard you tried to find answers, it just won't come.

And they left you alone with all those shatter memories, with your broken heart, with your painful solitude.

_Should've held my ground_

_I could've been redeemed_

_For every second chance_

_That changed its mind on me_

What would you do if you could turned back time, Arthur? Would you prevent the event to happened? Would you prevent him to gain his freedom? Or, would you use that chance?

The golden chance, when you could actually defeat him and ended the war? Would you use that, Arthur?

Would you shot him if you could reply it again, once more?

_I should've spoken up_

_I should've proudly claimed_

_That oh my head's to blame_

_For all my heart's mistakes_

You kept asking why, you always demanded reasons, you put all the blames to him. He's the one who make you broke, he's the one who make your heart shattered in pieces, he's the one who make you cry silently every night.

But was it mean that you're innocent, Arthur?

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_

No, you said to yourself. It's not only his faults, it's my faults as well.

Perhaps I'm not a very good brother, perhaps I'm not a very good caretaker, perhaps he couldn't stand living with me, perhaps I did wrong things in my past...

Perhaps I don't have the guts to stop him.

_And it's you, and it's you_

_And it's you, and it's you_

_And it's falling down, as you walk away_

_And it's on me now, as you go_

Do you still remember how long you've been crying, Arthur? Ever since you remembered those old memories you used to forget? Ever since he turned his back at you and walked out of the place he used to call 'home'?

How many tears had fallen from your eyes, Arthur? And how much longer until you could stand up on your own feet again?

How much longer until you could cope with this?

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_

You cared for him too much. Too much it's hurt when he left. You always convinced yourself that he would not betray you, that he would always there right beside you, that you would always be his caretaker as well as a brother for him.

But you're wrong, and he left. He left you, who shattered into pieces and let those memories painfully bursted back into life, forced you to remember every little pieces of details it got.

And you could still remember exactly the way he stared at you, the night he left.

And that's the least thing you want to remember.

_And it's falling down, as you walk away_

_And it's on me now, as you go_

A single tear fell again, perhaps for the last time. You wiped the tears from your green eyes, rub your wet cheeks and stared at the picture of you and him. Look at him, so cute, so small, so vulnerable...

And now the kid had grown, he had become a man. A man who had gain his independence. A man who had broke your heart.

But you could cope with it. Finally.

Walked away from this sickening room, and locked away all the memories you had.

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

* * *

_

Truth be told... I don't like USxUK. This supposed to be TurkHun but when I reread the lyrics I found out that it's more appropiate for Revolutionary War theme, so here goes. Anyway, sorry for my bad English or if there any grammatical errors... feel free to going all grammar/spelling Nazi with me. I don't mind.

Well, mind to leave a review?


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